Y’all must have seen Ali Baba’s relationship advice that questions the relationship guideline dished out by actress Stella Damasus recently. This over 30 year-old rich single lady says she had done all that and more but her man still slept with her neighbour’s house help, lol. Here’s the letter she sent to Ali Baba…
Ali Baba, good morning, hope you are well. My regards to you and yours. As you would have seen, I am not following you, but I guess you still can see my Facebook page. I used to follow you, but I guess one of those days that you were making room for 'better' people I was dropped. Anyway, that is not why I am writing you. You have a right to whoever your friends are. I am about your write up on 'Why you man left you'. Great write up. Of course I have read your stuff on theBookOfAli blog. (If I may ask, why did you not post it there instead of letting these rumor scavengers to boost their desperate blogs with it). Sorry, I digressed. My brother, I happen to be one of the ladies that guys have left. 4 times to be exact. The fifth guy is nearly gone. His days are numbered. Story for another day. But I will make references to him ( No. 5) as I go on. Let me say, if you wish to publish this, feel free. I care so NOT. Back to my reason for replying. There are several ladies in my shoes who have given their all to guys and still got left. I read your piece over and over again and again trying to see what CORE things a guy would need to see in a lady before making up his mind to NOT LEAVE. I would, please ask you to please take your time to check out my CORE before you go on to read my reply.
1. Am beautiful. Check my pictures on facebook.
2. I have an LL.B, (Surrey) LL.M (Unilag) and an MBA ( Liverpool)
3. I earn a good salary
4. I can cook. Very well. Local and international
5. I am essentially and functionally good in bed. Tell me what pleases you. Yes. IM not a virgin. I have been around. But im not a loose lady.
6. I use the 'e' as my Grandma taught me when talking to elders. Even my friend.
7. I love kids. I want kids and I don't hide it. Besides at over 30... Time is not on my side. So DONT blame me that I put that on the table from the start. You talked about being open. So there you go.
8. I am tidy. No HOUSEHELP in my 4 bed room duplex and you can practically eat off my bathroom.
9. I am your example of a lady who walked out of a fashion magazine. I dress well and you can see that in my profile pictures.
10. I respect my Bobos. I don't nag. I do not raise my voice and I actually do not go hunting for clues that you don't give me. And if I ask and you convincingly explain. That is that.
11. My standards, as expected are high. My guy must be articulate, educated, a dresser, responsible, respectful, gainfully employed and full of life. And must have a HIV test. No option.
12. I am generous almost to a fault. Only child of my late parents, trained by my 81yr old Grandma, a retired lecturer.
13. I love to read and well informed on current affairs.
14. I don't smoke. Used to but quit when I turned 30. I drink some red wine now and then.
15. I have always believed that the more financially independent a guy is the better for our relationship. That way we don't hinge our love on what and how much one did for the other. So, I without thinking I always support my guys dreams just so we are both independent of each others finances. And when we both do anything it's with no strings attached.
16. I am ambitious and goal driven. So I do not like waiting for things to happen. I make things happen.
17. I have only like minded friends. If you act unrefined, I pass. So my circle of friends is very small.
18. I always want to talk over anything that bothers me. I am plain.
Phew!! Hope you read all of that. If you haven't, I will ask that you please pleas go through them again.
So, truly, I hope you have. Now, what do the guys who leave someone like me, to date my junior colleague in my office want? (No. 3) Why would my boyfriend who has shared my bed, sleep with my neighbour's HOUSEHELP? (No. 4) What on earth makes a guy who just wanted a fling be asking me out? (No. 1) Why do guys who have such small minds be trying to date and tame a lady way out of their league? (No.2) and finally, why do some children of the very opulent in Nigeria think the sun rises from their behind and sets in their eyes? (No.5)
I am a hard working lady with little needs. The flaunting of wealth by some men in Nigeria is a phallic expression of their innate but well hidden egoist complex that stems from the wrong notion that women are goods.... All that said, I must say it was a good piece you wrote. It is not your fault. I happen to have a friend of a friend Eunice, who knows your Jamaican wife, DONT know if it was South African now. She told of how you and your ex were. So I do not blame you. I know where you are coming from. So, true as your piece may be, there are 2 of any 10 lady in Nigeria that have those CORE things you wrote about, yet get left by stupid juvenile men who have no balls and want nothing in life but to live like boys. I also must say that I understand your caveat that that your piece goes both ways, for ladies and guys... But if you take your time to read that piece you will see that you were heavy on us. But like I said, I know where you are coming from.
Finally, I must say, well done on your activity on twitter. PS. Is This Femi Fani Kayode guy your friend friend? Or just Facebook friend? Talk to him. Can you?
If you can't never mind. Thanks for your time. Im off to shop on OXFORD street. I see you are in the UK. May run into you, not that I will be on the look out. Ciao
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